Meant To Be?
by The Sadistic Fangirl
Summary: Love is for children. Natasha truly believes that. Steve is too busy for relationships. Yet their hearts refuse to accept this simple reallity. Originally a super long one-shot on Captasha but now a series of one shots. Beta: timeywimeyslytherin
1. Chapter 1

A/N:

Hello lovelies.

So this is just a one shot I really wanted to write. I really don't see a lot of Captasha fanfics so I decided to write one of my own but I had two ongoing stories so I really couldn't write a multi-chapter story. Hence this one shot.

So this will be based around a little before Winter Soldier. Onto the story. Also please excuse the typos.

~TSF

Disclaimer:

Hahaha if it was mine Cap and Nat would be together.

Story:

"Captain I don't think we need to discuss this any further. You have the information you need and you have the perfect partner. I don't see any problems" Fury said.

Steve was sitting in a conference room in one of the many S.H.E.I.L.D offices along with the Black Widow and Nick Fury. He wanted Steve and Romanoff to get a couple of details from a Louis Brengort. He was an apparent illegal arms and drug dealer but most importantly an informant for Hydra or atleast that's what the manila file in Steve's hands said. Brengort was about to throw a lavish party, which was where Steve was being sent while playing George Desmond, a wealthy businessman and his wife, Regina Desmond, being played by non other than Romanoff.

"Honestly Rogers, I really can't see your problem" Romanoff spoke. She obviously had no problems, in fact she never did. She was built to follow orders without questioning anything.

"My problem is our covers. A businessman is the last thing I am. I have been frozen for over 70 years and I know nothing about today's mannerisms or culture. Something could go horribly wrong because of something so trivial" Steve said.

"Captain that is exactly why I am sending you with Agent Romanoff. You'll be fine. I don't have so much time and resources. You're going to do this. End of discussion" Fury said sharply and left.

"We leave in an hour. Pack up. And of course you'll need a formal suit. Okay?" Romanoff asked standing.

"Uh huh" was all Steve said. Natasha was leaving but that weak response made her turn around and look at the super soldier. He was looking out of the window now with a frown on his face. She walked back, turned a chair around and sat with her legs crossed and hands resting on her lap. Steve simply raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Why are you so skeptical about this Captain? It's unlike you" she said.

Steve looked at her and took in her features, her scarlett hair, her calm eyes, her surprisingly small and lean frame. She was undeniably and unmistakably beautiful. She often looked at him like he was only good, like he was a true hero. And that's how she was looking at him right now, expecting him to be the soldier he was meant to be but at the moment he was being selfish. He was afraid, of losing her. Cover ops weren't his forte and he knew the possibility of something going wrong were incredibly high. Had he been going alone he would've said yes without thinking twice but he was going with her. She was very capable of taking care of herself and he knew that. He also knew that if everything went as needed they would have some very valuable and credible information. But if something went wrong, he would lose her. That he couldn't handle, not again. She meant too much. So he was being selfish, instead of choosing to extract the information he wanted to choose her safety, not for her but for himself. But be couldn't possibly reveal that too her. So he crossed his fingers and hoped simply for the best, which was her completely safe.

"It's nothing. Let's get a move on it" he said and stood up. He extended a hand for her.

Natasha stared up at the hand he had offered. Steve had sat there, staring at her for an odd minute or two but he hadn't said anything the entire time and then he just stood up and told her that it wasn't anything specific. She knew he was lying. Something worried him but she wouldn't push him. If he wanted to tell her, then he would. So she just took the hand and stood up. She squeezed his hand a little and said "It'll be fine Steve" and then let go of his hand and walked to her room while he walked back to his own.

"Take care Nat" Hawkeye said to Romanoff. He was driving Natasha and Steve to the airport. They had just reached and were pulling out their luggage.

"I will" Natasha said and Clint kissed her forehead. Steve saw and turned away. Soon they went in and started with the security checks. Steve felt like an idiot. He was jealous, and he hated that. That was her closet friend, the one who let her live. Despite how disgusting it sounded, it was true. The Hawkeye had chosen to give Natasha a chance when he had clear orders to kill her, yet here she was. S.H.E.I.L.D.'s personal lethal weapon. So he was being irrational, it was obvious. But he couldn't suppress the want to be the one giving her a peck on her forehead or cheek or lips. He needed to calm down, focus. His security checks were done and he was waiting for Natasha as he tried to swallow unnecessary feelings.

Natasha walked out of the security checks' room and collected her duffle bag. She saw Steve waiting for her. He had been sulking ever since they had entered the airport and she knew the reason. She knew he was jealous. She had seen the way Steve had turned away when Clint had kissed her on the forehead. She knew instantly by the look on his face. And Natasha wasn't naive when it come to these matters. Multiple times she had manipulated and seduced men, jealousy was an easy emotion to tamper with. In missions she used it to her advantage and considered the feeling foolish but in this case it made her warm. Warm everywhere.

"Shall we go Cap?" she asked the man who just nodded in response. "You seem upset, is something bothering you?" she teased. He just looked down at her and then looked away. He didn't deny it not did he accept it but she knew anyway. She smiled faintly.

They soon entered the airplane and were seated. Natasha took the window seat and Steve took the aisle seat.

Steve yawned the moment he sat. "Sleepy?"Natasha asked.

"Yeah. Been a tiring day" he said simply. She knew that already. Fury had met them at 7 in the morning but Captain America had been busy since 3am. He had been running a drill with some agents.

"Why don't you take a nap?" she suggested.

"Its fine" he replied.

"Captain it's a 2 hour journey and then we have a task to complete. Just rest. Here" she said while lifting the arm rest in between them and patting her lap. This surprised both of them. Natasha had just offered her lap for Steve to sleep on. But she wasn't going to take it back. So she just looked at him and while she was very surprised by her action, a part of her hoped that he would take the offer.

Steve looks at her like she had grown a second head, but to be fair that would've been a bit more realistic. So he just looks at her, dumbfounded. She returns his stare but unlike him she seems confident of her offer. So he has a choice and the correct one seems to be refusal yet that is not what he chooses. He tentatively puts his head on her lap and angles his body in the most comfortable manner he can and then he looks up at her. If she is taken aback by his actions, she doesn't show it. They both just stare at each other. Steve feels like this is all that matters. This woman is all he wants now, all he'd ever want and yet he can't tell her that because they weren't built to love, Steve wasn't given the serum to be a school boy in love nor was Natasha trained for years in the Red Room to be a loving wife. They were built to be machines of annihilation. Yet here they were and after years he felt content. For the first time he felt like he could sleep and the nightmares wouldn't come. All because when he'd woke up, she'd be right there. He searched her eyes, wondering if she felt the conflict that he felt. Her face was calm, calmer than seas. But her eyes, her eyes were a mix of emotions. He could tell she was feeling feelings she didn't ever allow herself to feel. And then something clicked inside her and her eyes were suddenly determined. She pushed her hands into his short blonde hair and slowly started massaging.

"Natasha" he whispered her name like a prayer, like it was all he could say or do or think.

"Sleep, Captain" she said and he did.

Natasha looked at him, sleeping in absolute peace and her fingers that were still entangled in his hair. He was so tired that he fell asleep almost instantly. She smiled and thought of how simple he was. Simple. One word that reeled her back to reality. He was simple, he was good. But Natasha? She was dangerous, strong, dominant, quick, but not good. She was the opposite of good. She was a terror, a weapon, an assassin. She had wasted all her chances to be good, let them go down the drain. Happiness and love weren't for her. Pain and broken memories were her life partners. This thing she was doing with Steve was a pretense, she was pretending to be someone else. She didn't deserve him. He was righteous and courageous. She was ruthless and aimless. So how could these two polar opposites ever be something? They couldn't. She had to stop, now. This type of damage could not be compartmentalized. She reminds herself of who he is but most importantly, who she is. She pulls out her fingers from his hair and stares out the window.

"Your partner looks cold. Should I get him a blanket?" an air hostess asks her.

"No I don't ... Actually yeah, that'd be great" Natasha replies. Her partner? Yes he was for this mission but nothing more and definitely nothing less. Soon the attendant arrived with a blanket and Natasha covered him. She wouldn't have guessed this big man to sleep like child. Childish, simple, good. She turned to the window again.

Steve woke up, for the first time in years without a nightmare. He hadn't slept this well in years, he hadn't dreamt of Bucky. He looked up to see Natasha staring out of the window with a frown on her face. "How long have I been asleep?" He asked.

"Around one and a half hours" she replied.

"I'm sorry" he got up and realized there was a blanket on him.

"Its alright. The blanket was from that attendant. She has the hots for you" she said pointing at the said air hostess.

He just gave a short laugh and covered Natasha and himself with the blanket.

The rest of the flight she didn't say anything and neither did he.

They soon arrived at their hotel and realised they were sharing a room because they were portraying a married couple.

"We have 3 hours before we need to leave" Natasha pointed out.

"I'd like to go over the plan again" Steve said and so they did. It took them almost an hour. Steve wanted to go over every single detail.

"I'm going to hit the gym" she informed him.

"I'll be in the room" was all he said.

For the next hour or so they kept to themselves.

When Natasha returned she found Steve drawing. It really was an interesting habit of his. So she sneaked up on him and went boo and he legitimately jumped. She couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't something she did often and it was music to Steve's ears. Once she stopped laughing she said "I'm going to shower"

"Alright" he responded.

15 minutes later Natasha called out.

"Captain" she said from inside the bathroom.

"Yeah" he replied without looking up from his drawing.

"I need help"

This made him look up and he froze. But his heart thumped hard and fast, so fast that he might as well had had a cardiac arrest. She stepped out in a mint coloured cocktail dress with black lace running across it in an intricate design.

Her hair were up in a bun while her face was void of any makeup, it was pure Natasha.

"I need help zipping up the dress" she said. She turned around and her bare back was in sight. He walked to her, his steps slow. The zip ran from the small of her back till her neck. For a moment he just stared. The curve of her back, the depression at her small. He wanted to imprint what was in sight into his mind because he knew he wouldn't see it again, he couldn't allow something like this to happen again, and god, she was majestic. So he simply put a hand on the zip and with the other he holds the clothing together, at the base of her neck. He is cautious not to touch her because then he wouldn't be able to stop.

Steve hasn't even touched her yet and she's panting, heavily. He starts pulling the zip up and the it feels like she been standing here forever, and soon the dress is zipped but he doesn't move. One hand still on the zip while the other now rests on her waist. She leans back a little into his touch and her back collides with his chest. "Natasha.." she hears him say in a breathy whisper right into her ear and suddenly his arms around her waist.

"Steve" she replies in the same tone. And then they stand there, for a minute or two or maybe seconds or longer but Natasha can't tell. All of a sudden time seems to have no value, its the feel of his body that matters. The way she perfectly fits into him is what matters. The fact that her heart beats fast and the fact that he is right here, with an equally fast heart rate, is what matters, what holds value. But then he lets go. "I should get ready" he says and removes his arms from around her. All of a sudden she feels empty, incomplete but then again that is what the reality is. Love is for children, not for her and she is glad he has moved away because they weren't meant to be and it was that simple, yet so, so very difficult to understand. He had left to shower and she was alone. His drawing was lying on the sofa. She walked over and picked it up. She found a pair of eyes staring back at her, her own eyes were staring back at her. They were detailed, she could see the stokes in them and her resolve to keep her distance from him, to keep her feelings at bay came crumbling down. How could she? He was so devoted to her, so vary of her. She just couldn't, she couldn't. She loved him, she knew and she hadn't been this sure of anything before.

Steve fixed his tie for the billionth time.

"Its fine Captain. You can stop fixing it" Natasha said as they walked down the lobby to enter the party hall. Steve was in a traditional black and white suit with a black tie. Natasha looked the same except she had put on a pair of black stilettos and some basic makeup. She seemed absolutely alright, like the moment, or did it even count as a moment for her, had no effect on her because it sure as hell had one on him. He couldn't stop thinking about it, about her. They soon arrived at their destination.

"Names, please" the attendant asked.

"Mr and Mrs Desmond" Steve said.

The attendant searched the guest list and then found their names and ushered them in. Natasha immediately draped her arm over his arm. Steve quickly did a head count of the CCTV cameras and possible body guards.

"I see 13 cameras and 27 guards"

Natasha said.

"I spotted the same number" he replied. "Let's meet the host"

The weaved their way through the guests and soon they saw Brengort. He was a tall, intimidating man, dressed sharply in a white suit with a tinge of purple outlining the edges. He had tattoos peaking out of almost everywhere. Two on the neck and one on each hand.

"Mr Brengort" Steve calls out to the man. He turns around and sees them.

"Hello" he replies back.

"I'm George Desmond and this my wife Regina" Steve introduces and there is a handshake between the men but then Brengort's eyes linger to Natasha and he smiles at her, sickly. He takes Natasha's hand kisses it.

"Mrs Desmond" he greets.

"Oh please, Regina is just fine" she says with a sweet smile.

"Then I am Louis"

"Of course" and then Brengort turns his attention back to Steve.

"Mr Desmond, you're the textile importer aren't you?"

"Indeed I am. I think Charles would've informed you that textile isn't the only thing I import" Steve replies.

"Yes he did but tonight party first and business later. We wouldn't want someone as gorgeous as Regina to get bored. I'll catch up with you guys in a while" Brengort said and left.

As if on cue music starts playing and soon couples are dancing around them.

"Well Captain, I guess it's time to see your dancing skills" Natasha says to Steve in a whisper.

"Alright" he replies and then they get into position. He places one arm around her waist and pulls her close and the other hand he holds up for her to take. She places a hand on his shoulder and the other is in his hand. They are flush against each other and once again their hearts beat erratically. The song plays.

'From the moment I saw you, from the moment I looked into your eyes,

There was something about you, I knew, I knew.

You were once in a lifetime, a treasure ain't impossible to find,

And I know how lucky I am to have you.'

Steve and Natasha were just looking into each other's eyes. Lost in the moment. Like they weren't on a mission, like their lives weren't at stake.

'Cause I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away,

The beauty of the setting sun on any given day,

When it comes to shooting starts, I have seen a few,

But I've never seen anything as beautiful as you.'

The song seems so fitting. He had seen a lot in his life, but she still surprised him and very often left him breathless.

'I can't believe that I have you, I can't believe that you're here in my arms,

Cause I've been waiting a lifetime for you, for you.'

He truly can't believe she's here, besides him. Those frozen 70 years are worth It because he gets to be here, with her.

'And I've dreamed about you, pictured in my mind what I would see but I've never imagined,

Just how beautiful you'd be,

Cause I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away,

The beauty of the setting sun on any given day,

When it comes to shooting starts, I have seen a few,

But I've never seen anything as beautiful as you.'

The song continues lyric-lessly for some more time and then it's over. But she can't seem to move away or rather she doesn't want to move away. She had been trained to dance but this time she felt it, for the first time she felt the music and her feet moved accordingly. But then it ended, so she looked up at the man who allowed herself this moment and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "Let's finish up here, Steve" she said.

Steve walked to the bar and got himself a drink, as he watched Natasha walk around. The plan was simple, just plain old seduction because despite having fallen into the trap of women countless times, the male population never learned. He saw Brengort notice her and walk in her direction. She was hard to ignore, no doubt. He saw them make small talk and her laugh multiple times. Soon they were on the dance floor. She continuously whispered into his ear and he just wondered what she was saying. Then all of a sudden Brengort and Natasha were walking away. Now all that was left was to break his fingers till he answered all their questions. Easy, but it wasn't. He was searing with anger, the way Brengort looked at her in the most disgusting manner possible, the way he held her unnecessarily close. It made Steve's blood boil. It took every ounce of self control to not rip his throat out. But he repeatedly reminded himself what was happening and why they were here. It didn't help, it just put a leash upon him.

When he couldn't see them anymore, he got down to business.

Soon Natasha and Steve had all the information they needed and were heading back to their room.

"How easy was that Captain? All that worry for nothing" she remarked.

He looked at her, yes it was very easy and she was okay. It indeed had been a satisfactory operation. So he just smiled at her. "Yes, it was" he said as they entered their room.

Natasha wanted to puke at herself. Her stomach had done a god damned flip-flop when he smiled at her. He looked teasingly tasty in his suit. And that smile, it truly was killing. She takes off her heels and walks to the bed and just falls. Steve just raised an eyebrow at her but didn't say anything. She turned on her side and looked at the man. He had taken of his coat and tie and rolled up his sleeves. Of course she drooled. "Hey super soldier, what happened with Christina from Statistics?" she casually asked.

"Never asked her" was his clipped answer. He had just picked up a pillow from the bed and was putting it on the sofa.

"Do you plan on sleeping on the sofa?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why are you sleeping on the sofa? You can sleep on the bed. I swear I don't kick at night"

"That really isn't my worry"

"Then what is your worry Steve?"

"Not now Natasha. You should sleep"

"No, not till you tell me what the problem is"

"The problem is us. We can't be and my heart refuses to understand this" he says suddenly angry.

"We really can't be anything, can we?" she asks.

"We can't. We weren't built for it" he replies in a hushed whisper.

"If we were different people, if we met at a bar or through friends, could we have been something?" she asks looking down.

"I don't care Natasha" he says. All of a sudden he's right in front of her, holding her face in both his hands, merely inches away from his. "I don't know and I don't care. You are you, and I love this woman who stands before me, who has come strong from all that has happened to her, who uses her humour to mask her anxiety, who has an impenetrable wall around. You are perfect just the way you are and I love you and couldn't have loved you if you were someone else so I don't care for a Natasha Romanoff from a parallel universe, I just know the one standing before me and she is the one I want" he says to her. There is so much determination in his eyes, every word that he has uttered is true and she knows that. So she does the obvious. She closes the distance between them and kisses Steve. His lips are soft and he is inexperienced. She takes the lead, as she wraps her arms around his neck and his arms slide around her waist, holding her flush against him.

She is trapped between his arms but at that moment she feels free, free from every pain, from every regret.

"I love you too" Natasha whispers once they break off the kiss. Steve simply grins.

A/N:

Hope you liked it. Leave a review if you did. Thanks for reading :)

~TSF


	2. Author's Note

Hey y'all. I'm sure you're all thinking that how I ended up here? Like didn't I say this was a one shot? Like what? Well I'm a indecisive teen, so voilà!

The thing is I write angst relatively well and Captasha or Romanogers, whichever you prefer, is pure angst. Also who doesn't love Captain? So I've decided to continue.

So I've seen this done by multiple authors thus I don't know who to give credits to but they've all been my inspiration. What I plan to do is write a one shot with a word from every alphabet. Technically that word will be the theme. For example we'll start with 'a' and say I decide the word ablaze for it, then ablaze will be the theme. I plan to do all 26 characters so there'll be 26 chapters to look forward to. Now the time line for these will be varied as well as their relationship. So they may or may not be together. Lastly I'd like you, the readers, to suggest the word. So this week's letter is, as obvious, 'A'. Gimme a great word :)

See you soon.

~TSF


	3. Chapter 2

A/N:

AceSeesYouuu's word will be the theme of this chapter as it was the only entry. The word is: Attachment.

For this chapter I'm placing our lovely ship into a time when they've recently come to terms with their feelings.

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything besides the storyline.

* * *

A for Attachment:

There weren't many things that Natasha didn't understand but if she were to make a list then feelings and emotions would top it. As she walked down the halls of one of the numerous S.H.I.E.L.D. bases, very purposefully, she tried to label her most recent feelings. They were aimed at Captain and they were felt in his or without his presence. She had been trained well enough to be allow her to compartmentalize any unnecessary feelings but these feelings weren't exactly unwanted. As hard as they were to label, they did soothe her.

"So today looks a great day to kick some ass, no Cap?" she asked Steve once she reached him. He had been staring out the window, back towards her, arms crossed against his chest. He turned to her direction and looked at her. A beautiful pair of sky blue eyes showed a hint of mischief with a whole lot of adoration. One would think that she'd hate that kind of high school crap but she didn't.

"Language Romanoff" he chided. She couldn't help but smile.

"Ah of course. Such filthy language! I guess I'll just make a trip to the church and wash my mouth with some holy water. That would earn your forgiveness, wouldn't it? Because I wouldn't want you to be angry with me" she said as she pouted and put on her best fan voice. A chuckle escaped him and Natasha's ears went on overdrive to hear every note of that awfully pleasing, guttural voice he had just made. It was little things like these and her unlabelled feelings grew more.

"So today we have a lovely set of 3 young men to recruit" he said finally focusing on work.

"Ugh! Newbies? Really? Why?" she whined and he just shrugged. "Today is going to be a long day" she finally concluded.

"Not for me" he said, maybe to himself because it was barely a whisper but she heard it anyway.

"Why not?" she asked and his face took on a glorious shade of red. She loved it when he blushed, he didn't do it with anyone else and it made her feel unbearably special.

"Because it'll be spent with you" he mumbled and smiled shyly and then walked on, not looking in her direction, to avoid anymore embarrassment. But she stopped right where she was. 'Oh God' she thought and her entire body went warm. There they were again, the unlabelled feelings. But at that moment she finally found a term, attachment. She became a little more attached to him every time he did something like this, made her heart skip a beat like this.

With a huge grin, she matched her step with Captain and kissed him on the cheek. Now it was his turn to stop in his tracks. He brought a hand up to the cheek she had kissed him on as if to somehow prolong the sensation, all the while looking a little dazed.

"Come on Steve, lets make it a great day

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A/N:

Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it. I don't know if this length, of the story, is good or not. Would you all like to see it longer? Well let me know. Also next up is the letter 'b'. I look forward to a great suggestion.

Love

~TSF


	4. Chapter 3

A/N:

Yo!

So the word for this chapter has been suggested by my favourite person, namely my best friend.

Originally I was gonna make it super angsty and stuff but I couldn't resist make it fluffy.

Please note that this chapter is based before The Winter Soldier and Steve doesn't know that Bucky is alive.

I hope you enjoy reading this.

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Disclaimer:

I don't own anything but the storyline.

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B for Bereavement:

* * *

Bucky.

One name was all it took to make the Super Soldier weak. It was almost hilarious. But then again, it wasn't. He was one person who had believed in Steve when he was just Steve. When no one bothered to give a second glance, Bucky had offered friendship, loyalty. Why? Well he'd never know but Steve was undoubtedly grateful for it. With no family, Steve had no one to turn to except for Bucky. And whenever Steve had turned, Bucky had been there. Every damn time. And then Steve went and pretended to be some kind of hero and caused his best friend's death. He was such an idiot. Honestly, who the hell did he think he was? Had he been thoughtful, had he planned better, Bucky would've lived a comfortable long life which he deserved. But no, Captain America had to ruin it. Oh how much he wished he could change it all, reverse time and fix it all. But he couldn't. A large sigh escaped from Steve as he thought of Bucky.

"Cap?" Natasha's voice brought him back to reality. He looked down at the woman. Her head was tilted a little, towards the left. One of her hands softly held on to Steve's bicep while the other hung beside her hip. As per usual, she was in well fitted black gear. Her clothes truly bothered him. They were snug at every curve, be it her hips or her waist or her chest or her-, well you get the idea. When she walked, it was with an unmistakable aura of authority and control, of power, and it left him unbalanced because God knows there isn't anything sexier than a confident and independent woman but combined with that outfit? Sweet Jesus! If someone were to hear his thoughts he sure as hell wouldn't be considered a gentleman.

Steve also knew that if she had this kind of effect on him, then she definitely had a much stronger one on most of the men in their compound. And it infuriated him, so much so that he'd have to, ever so often, resist the urge to grab a bed sheet and wrap it around her so that various eyes would stop lingering on her body. But maybe that wouldn't do the trick either because she was just so damn charismatic and she'd be able to turn heads even in a potato outfit. He really had found himself a troublesome one.

"Steve?" yet again he's pulled out of his thoughts by her. Now there's worry lining her face. "Is everything okay?" she asks with utmost sincerity.

"Yeah. Sorry. Just thinking" he replies hastily. Lying, quite obviously, wasn't Captain's strong suit.

"Yeah? And what were you thinking about?"

'You' he's tempted to answer but he forces himself not to. "Nothing in particular" is what he settles for.

"Oh really? So 'nothing in particular' has got you so engrossed that it took me a good minute or two to grab your attention?" There's anger in her voice and he knows exactly why. She hates being lied to, if you don't want to tell her then tell her that but don't lie to her. But he possibly couldn't tell her that his thoughts had taken a lovely trip to jealousy land.

So he sticks to his previous reply. "Yes. Nothing in particular"

Now he sees concern was over her anger. "Are you sure Steve? You don't have to tell me but I'd really like to help you. When I originally saw you, you were wearing a really painful expression" she says, her voice soft.

And then it hits him. He had been thinking about Bucky before she had arrived. He had completely forgotten about that. How peculiar? She had been able to occupy the entirety of his mind without even saying anything. She had been able replace all of the painful memories with no effort. How truly peculiar. It was as if she could rid him of his bereavement. A large smile broke out on Steve's face. He took her hands in his, placed a kiss on each before confessing "You help me more than you'll ever know".

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A/N:

Next letter is 'c'. I look forward to some great suggestions.

Thank you for reading.


	5. Chapter 4

A/N:

For this chapter I'll be using vlynetwilight's word.

Hope you enjoy this chapter.

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Disclaimer:

I don't think minors are allowed to own movie rights and comic rights, are they?

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C for Claim:

* * *

"So you want me to portray a prostitute?"

"Yes". There is gruffness in his voice, she can see his hands clench and unclench. His back muscles are tense and his stance is aggressive.

Steve and Natasha stood in a training room, where Widow had been practicing throwing knives. Not that she needed to, but it was a fun way to stay occupied. Currently she was cleaning a knife, leaning against a stand. She was really tired, today had been unbelievably busy but of course she wouldn't accept the fact that she was in desperate need of chocolates and 8 hours of sleep. Okay, maybe she'd willingly eat chocolate but not sleep.

But at the moment her fatigue wasn't the topic of discussion. There was some new intel. Apparently some thugs were trying to get their hands on vibranium and S.H.E.I.L.D. couldn't possibly allow that. You see they aren't exactly sharers and they feel that they are the only ones who can use it for a greater good. What that meant, nobody knew but as far as they were concerned, they were trying to save the world.

It so happened that these thugs enjoy the company of drinks and women, what a surprise! So they wanted to send Romanoff undercover as a prostitute, get close to their leader and uncover information.

"Alright. Give me the detalis" Natasha said with a sigh. She turned away from Steve. She took support of the stand to steady herself and she didn't want him to see that. She was exhausted and she wanted to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He noticed, he always noticed. How, she didn't know. But this always happened, she'd try to hide something and he'd always find out. He was observant, not just count-how-many-guards observant, he was the I-know-how-many-freckles-you-have-across-the-bridge-of-your-nose observant. She didn't know if he was like this with most women, simply cause she hadn't seen him with other women besides Hill and herself. So she provided herself a small amount of comfort by telling herself that she was the only one he dealt with, with such care. And then he'd pull off these cliched caring acts and she found it very hard to not give in to temptation, to hold him close, to tell him how much she loved him. Her feelings would resurface with such vigour, it physically hurt contain them.

"I'm fine" is all she can provide and she knows he won't believe her but she hopes he won't push further anyway.

"Are you sure?" he asks as he steps closer to her.

"I'm fine!" There is more force in her voice than she intends. Now there is clear confusion written on his face. However he presses on.

"You look tired" he states.

"Leave me alone" is all she can come up with. He takes another step in her direction. Now he's barely a foot away. She spins around to face him and she regrets it. Her head hurts too much for a spin.

"Steve you obviously don't care about my well-being so could you stop pretending?" She doesn't know why she said that. She doesn't mean it. Okay she was lying. She was a little upset that he'd asked her to play an escort. But then again he did seem angry while informing her of her cover. Maybe she just needed him to say it out loud. This was so stupid, she felt stupid. She wasn't supposed to be upset about it. She was a spy, this was her god damned job. But some part of her wanted him to be possessive, to be unhappy with the arrangement, to worry about her safety. Yup, this was definitely dumb. She resists an urge to slap herself.

"What would possibly make you think that way?" Another step and now he's barely a few inches away.

"I shouldn't have said that. Nevermind it. Just please leave" Another exasperated sigh escapes her.

"You're sighing a lot today"

"Go away" Her hands land on his chest in an effort to push him away.

"That'd be no fun" He grabs her wrists and removes her hands from his chest, only to slip them into his.

"What?" she asks with a little laugh and looks at his large hands swallow her own.

"Lets play a winner gets what they want. I win, you tell me why you'd think that I don't care about you, you win, I'll forget about what you said. Deal?" He still hasn't let go of her hands.

"Game on!" A smirk is plastered on her face now. She loves challenges. Steve knows that. He guides her to the wall and asks her to sit, her back resting against the wall and he sits right in front of her. For some reason, he's still holding onto one of her hands. His touch is comforting, she feels safe, sleepier. But a challenge is a challenge.

"So we have to sit here in silence for 3 minutes, eyes closed. Whoever speaks or opens their eyes first loses. Clear?" he explains. It's such a weird game. Like, what was even the point? She doesn't bother asking.

"What if one of us opens our eyes and the other has them closed? Cheating seems easy in this challenge" she points out.

"I trust you to be honest and you can do the same. Okay?" It's such a harmless thing to say but he doesn't realise the storm it awakens. This is just a game but does he trust her to always be honest with him? To always be there with him? And can she trust him equally? Oddly, she already does and she knows it. She's too tired to be thinking. She focuses.

"Ready!" He sets a timer on his phone and it starts. As soon as Natasha closes her eyes, the urge to fall asleep is back with full force and then he starts rubbing small circles on her hand with his thumb. It was as if the universe was conspiring against her. Finally letting go, she tilts her head back, resting against the wall and then she's in dreamless sleep.

The timer rings and Steve quickly switches it off, not wanting to disturb her from her slumber. He knew this would happen. She looked beyond exhausted but he knew she wouldn't accept it but a challenge? There was no way she'd be able to resist that. He also wanted to know why she'd felt that he didn't care about her. But her health was more important. He looks at her, sleeping peacefully and a smile makes way to his face. She was so unexpected, always surprising him.

Carefully he lifts her into his arms, carrying her to car so he can drop her back to her apartment. The entire ride, she sleeps like a baby on the backseat, not stirring even once. She was really tired because he knew she was always alert, asleep or not. This one time, she had been sleeping on a couch and the moment he got close, she had him at a choke-hold.

They had keys to each others' apartments in case of emergencies, for they trusted each other enough. Unlocking her apartment while carrying her in his arms was a little difficult and time taking so he had to throw her over one of his shoulder yet she didn't seem to wake-up, only groan. He soon had laid her down in her bed. He did once consider changing her clothes but, very wisely, decided against it. He didn't know where that'd lead, he was only a man and touching a woman you love like that could result in unwanted situations.

He tucks her in, lays a soft kiss on her forehead and is getting up to leave and that's when she stirs.

"Steve?" she calls out. The room is fairly dark and maybe that's why she hadn't noticed him right next to her. But his heart does go pit-a-pat when she calls for him. Waking up disoriented, yet she calls for him. How was he not supposed to feel special?

"Yeah" he replies, sitting on the bed, next to her.

"Are you leaving?" she asks.

"I think so, yeah"

"Don't go" she promptly replies and bunches the end of his t-shirt in her hand. She sounds like a kid throwing a tantrum.

"I don't think-"

"Why won't you stay with me?"

"What? Nat-"

"Why don't you care about me?" She's too sleepy to properly process what she's saying and maybe that's why she's voicing her thoughts so easily. It's a moment of weakness for her and he should go but when she asks him why he doesn't care, he can't leave. At least not before showing her how wrong she is.

"Why would you think that? Why wouldn't I care about you?"

"I don't know. You seem quite okay with the idea of me seducing another man, I'll probably have to sleep with him. You don't have a problem with that, do you?" So this is what she thinks. Steve had been trying to ask himself to be a good soldier and not tell her that she shouldn't go because he hated the idea of her with another man, a man as lowly as those thugs. He thought she'd call him an idiot if he told her that he was disgusted by the arrangement and he was worried for her safety. But now, it seems like it's backfired because he'd much rather see her laugh at him then have her question his feelings towards her.

"I'm actually quite mad" he admits. "It really bothers me that you'll have to spend an entire evening with a lowlife when you deserve better than a king. So don't go about making stupid assumptions about me not caring. Let me, categorically, tell you that I'm possessive and I get jealous the moment a pair of eyes land on you. I may not always tell you how I feel but you never have to wonder if I care or not because I do, no matter what. Clear?"

A huge grin spreads across Natasha's face. She holds his face in her two hands. "Crystal. After all I'm yours to claim".

Now he's smiling too. He pulls her close, she's almost on his lap.

"I forbid you to leave"

"I wasn't planning on anymore"

"Good" she says with a yawn.

"Alright, go back to sleep"

"Only once you're next to me"

He takes off his shoes and climbs into bed with her. Her back is against his chest. Both his arms encircle her torso and she lays her hands atop his.

The next morning they report late as they both, coincidentally, didn't hear their respective alarms ring.

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A/N:

Well that turned out longer than expected. Well whatevs as long as you all enjoy it.

Well next up is 'd'. Untill next time.

~TSF


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: None of these beautiful characters are mine, they've merely been borrowed.

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D for Debilitate:

Steve was leaning against the railing, looking out at the sky. He was in one of the numerous balconies of the Stark Tower. He could hear the laughter and chatter from inside. They were celebrating, all the Avengers were there including the Asgardian God. It was a special occasion, after all.

"Counting the stars Cap?" Steve turned towards the voice. There stood Natasha in a midnight blue, off-shoulder dress. The dress clung on to her curves like a second skin. She looked so beautiful, no words would suffice.

"Something like that" he provided.

"Are you okay? You don't look well" she asked as she placed a hand on his bicep and looked at him with so much care he was afraid he wouldn't be able to accept it all.

"I'm alright"

"You've looked upset over the last few days"

"Like I said I'm okay"

"You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

"What do you want me to say? Huh? How am I supposed to explain to you that every second I see you with Banner, a part of me dies. Every time he holds you close, my heart shatters and every time he upsets you, rage overtakes me in totality. Whenever you smile brighter than the sun, an instant one creeps up my face and it disappears equally fast when I realise that smile isn't for me but for Banner. As children we learn through trial and error, like when we burn our hands, we learn to keep away from hot objects, not to touch them. I hoped the same would happen with you, I'd learn you're someone I should keep away from yet I run back to you, like an idiot. It's like stabbing yourself and I must be a sadist because I enjoy being around you. I love you and you never will. You debilitate me with such profound ease, yet I can't seem to walk away" That's what he wants to say but he doesn't because it's their engagement party. Natasha is going to marry Banner and he cannot change that. She wants the extraordinary scientist, not him and nothing will change that. So he leaves without saying anything, he can hear her calling out to him but he can't turn around or else he'll fall apart.

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A/N:

How was that? Unexpected, right? I loved writing this. Unrequited love is so painful but there's such destructive beauty in it. I knew I'd write a chapter like this sometime or the other, I was just waiting for a word and one of my friends suggested debilitate and the result was this.

Now I'm sorry for being here for almost 2 months. You see I started writing a Bucky/OC fanfic and I got so drunk on it, I lost track. But now I'm back and I'll update once a week.

Despite my absence, a lot of people have still followed and favourited this story and I cannot thank you all enough. Thank you. I hope you like this chapter. Untill next time :)

~TSF


	7. Chapter 6

A/N:

Well hello my favourite people. How's life treating? I hope very well. So someone said they wanted to see a part two of my previous chapter and I think that's a fab idea. Like one where Steve is still in love with Peggy even after all these years and how Natasha has to deal with it. What say?

Also Claire O'Mack, thanks for your constructive criticism. You see the point of writing fanfic, besides sharing my ideas, is to improve my writing skills so I absolutely adore comments like yours. So no, I didn't take the smallest bit of offence, only some tips to help me better my writing. And a huge thank you to all of you who've followed, favourited and reviewed.

Lastly, this chapter is steamy, not crazy smut but a lot of kissing. A definite T rated chapter. Please use your discretion. But otherwise this should be interesting.

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Disclaimer: Not mine!

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E for Exquisite

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The fettuccine was boiling on the stove while Steve sliced some mushrooms. He was at his apartment, it was one of those rare days when he cooked. The front door opened. He stood tense, expecting an intruder but when heard the familiar click of heels he loosened up and went back to the mundane task of chopping.

"Cap?" he heard her call.

"In the kitchen" he replied. Soon warm arms were wrapped around his waist.

"Hey" Natasha said with a sigh as she rested her head atop his back.

"Hi" Steve replied with a small chuckle. "Was the meeting that bad?"

"I hate diplomats" Natasha had been at an excruciating long conference, where she had to meet and have actual conversation with fellow humans. Nothing tired her more than that.

"Well I'm making some dinner. Get comfy, I'll be with you in some time"

"I'm not hungry for pasta"

"Huh? Then what are you hungry for?"

"You" With that she got up to her tippy-toes and landed an open-mouthed, moist kiss at the base of his neck.

"Natasha... I'm cooking" he said in a manner of a warning.

"Don't care" She continued to kiss his neck, all the while, toying with the hem of his shirt. It was so hard not to give in. And he wanted to give in but there were these few days where Natasha would be in mood for some loud and frantic lovemaking sessions and she'd pull all the tricks in the books to get him to agree, giving him all kinds of attention in all kinds of places. So he tired to hold back a little, so as to enjoy. Keyword: tried. "Turn around" she commanded.

He just chuckled, pretending as if none of this made much difference to him, when in actuality, blood was rushing southward astoundingly fast. Now she had her hands under his shirt, running them across his back, his torso; tracing patterns around his belly button. His charade wasn't going to last much longer, he was going to cave in very soon. She pressed herself flush against him and seductively but his earlobe, not that the other actions hadn't been seductive. "Steve.." she called or rather purred.

"Okay that does it" His self control failed him and whipped around, grabbing her tight. He landed a hard kiss and she instantly reciprocated. Her hands were in his hair, tugging at the roots while his hands were on her waist. She parted his lips and slipped her tongue inside, giving him an opportunity to do the same. Teeth and toungues clashed, a battle for dominance, none of the contenders giving up. His hands slipped lower, as he lifted her and wrapped her legs around his waist. He turned them around so that she was seated on the counter, legs still wrapped.

His hands were stroking her thigh as she nipped at his upper lip. She pulled back to suck in air as they'd both forgotten how necessary oxygen was but almost immediately, Steve pulled her back. But she resisted and instead sucked on his neck. A growl escaped him and she giggled. As repayment, he traced her collarbone with his tongue and she gasped, arching into him. He looked up at her, she was always beautiful to him but now, with swollen lips from his passionate kisses, hooded eyes and unruly hair, she was exquisite.

As Steve continued to assault her collarbones, she knocked over the cream next to her. He pulled back.

"Shall we take this to the bedroom?" He asked.

"Mmhm" was all she could say. He carried her to the bed and the next hour or so was spent in an activity that required no clothing.

* * *

As they lay on the bed, Steve asked "Want some food now?"

"I told you, I was only hungry for you" she said sleepily. He couldn't help but laugh.

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A/N:

I don't think I've ever blushed so much. Well it's all worth it if you'll enjoyed it. Let me know what you think. Also can I have a great word for 'F'? R&R. Untill next time :)

~TSF


	8. Chapter 7

A/N:

Would you look at this? I updated early. Yay! Anyway, thank you to all who've reviewed, followed and favourited. You're the best. Hope you like this chapter because a little angst hurt no one.

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Disclaimer: Sadly, these beautiful characters aren't mine.

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F for Fallible

* * *

She sat on the floor, in her apartment, her back against the wall. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and she rested her head in her hands. The doorbell rung, she didn't bother checking or opening but the person outside was persistent and rang the bell, again, multiple times. Annoyed, she finally got up to open the door. As she turned the knob, it turned red. Her hands were stained with the blood of another innocent and she hadn't bothered cleaning. After all, what good would it do? They'll always remain dirty, covered in someone's blood.

She found Steve standing outside. His face fell the instant he saw her. She immediately slammed the door shut, in his face. Apparently, he didn't leave as only a few moments later, the bell rang again. Exasperated, she once again opened the door. "I don't think I want company Captain" she said, refusing to look at him.

"I don't want you to be alone" He looked earnest, sincere. She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve anything. "You don't have to tell me what happened, we don't need to discuss anything. I just want to be here with you. Is that okay?"

She knew he wasn't going to leave. A long sigh escaped her as she moved away, allowing him to enter. She went back to where she was originally sitting and took on a similar pose. Steve wasn't next to her and her heart hurt. He was repulsed, she wasn't surprised just upset.

Eventually a weight settled next to her. He had a utensil filled with water in his hands and a rag. Gently, he took her hands, wet the cloth and wiped her hands. Dumbfounded, she stared at him. He didn't look at her, just continued wiping her hands. Eventually the water was completely red, so he got up and returned with more clear water and simply repeated the steps.

Once her hands were clean, he took her face in his hands. Hooking a finger under her chin, he turned her face towards him. While she had been cradling her forehead, she'd smeared some blood on her head. As he was cleaning, she started to tremble. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she looked down.

"Natasha, look at me" Her face was now clean, he put the cloth away. She didn't look up. Once again, Steve turned her face, forcing her to look at him.

"You shouldn't be this gentle with me" A single tear slipped down her face and she looked down at her lap. Her shoulders were shaking as she sobbed mutely.

Steve wrapped his arms around her, patting her head, cooing to her, letting her tears moisten his shirt. When she stopped he pulled back. He was smiling and there was so much adoration in his eyes, it made no sense.

"I can't believe you're smiling"

"I can't help it" He got up and disposed the water and cloth. Once he was back, he asked "Wanna get Chinese for dinner?"

"I'm not worth all of this" she said, barely audible. "I'm an assassin, I kill without a thought. I may be in a different place now but it's all the same. I just carry out order irrespective of consequences. I'm not worthy of your care, of your love Steve. Please leave"

"I won't. You're worth all of this and more. The fact that you cry over their death is just a testament. I will always be here. I refuse to walk out."

Life had been so unfair to her. So many lived such easy lives, with a loving family, without having to kill anyone, good or bad. But she was coerced into this situation yet she held only herself responsible. She was fallible, she was human and in those weak moments, he loved her unconditionally.

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A/N:

Thank you for reading. Please R&R. Also gimme a bawse word for 'G'. Until next time :)


	9. Chapter 8

A/N:

Hello! I know I've been gone forever but I had exams, for an entire month and my laptop stopped functioning. Thus I am super late. But here is a new chapter which I hope you'll enjoy.

* * *

Disclaimer:

None of these characters belong to me :(

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G for Grave:

* * *

Its raining and its hilariously ironic. She is drenched, her red hair sticking to her neck. The full body suit she usually wears she wears is getting heavy as it absorbs the moisture but Natasha stands there, rooted to the spot, her legs, immobile. How long had she been standing here, she wasn't sure but time seemed amazingly irrelevant.

Taking deep breaths, her thoughts trailed to Steve. She still didn't know if he was too trusting or simply dumb and just too naive for this world. He had once told her that everyone deserved second chances and she had countered by asking what he intended to do with someone who'd used up a million chances. He had simply smiled at her. Many months later she realised that that smile meant that he just doesn't quit, that he'd give a bajillion more chances to those who wasted a gazillion and somehow he'd actually made her feel worthy of those chances. Somehow, he'd gotten her to believe that after all she'd done, she wasn't the bad guy. He'd put in so much effort, so much time into her, like nobody had ever done. He'd forced her to trust him, to love him and she'd always respected him. Their partnership, on and off the field, had brought her happiness, the kind she hadn't felt in a while.

When Steve was next to her, she had felt like she could do anything. She had always thought love was a weakness, that love would be a hindrance but she was wrong. It had provided her comfort, strength and support whenever she'd needed it. And it was all because of Steve. All because he loved her so unconditionally, she never felt alone.

She couldn't take it, she couldn't do it without him. She fell, kneeling on the ground. Her tears and the rain were mixed together, as the rolled down her face. He meant so much to her and yet he was gone in an instant. She was screaming, asking why but Steve's grave provided no answer.

* * *

A/N:

I realise this chapter is quite short but I couldn't extend it any further. Also this chapter is based after Captain America: Civil War. Cap does die in the comics and Bucky and Sam replace him. Anyway, thank you for the continual support. Please R&R. Until next time. :).


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer:

Unfortunately, not mine.

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H for Heaven:

* * *

 _"And baby you're all that I want, as you lie here in my arms, and I'm finding hard to believe, we're in heaven" ~Bryan Adams, Heaven._

Another class, another passé, another bullet. She was back in the time where she was Natalia, not Natasha. Instructors screamed instructions at her and teachers whispered quiet threats, pushing her beyond the limit, breaking her spirit and mind, moulding her into someone she didn't want to be. The days would pass by in blurs, nothing that she did would make her happy, it'd just keep her alive.

Multiple nights, Natasha would wake up, drenched in her own sweat, trying to recover from nightmares, trying to erase the memories of a time that had shaped her into the Black Widow. But no matter how many times she woke up, the nightmares would return, promising her sleepless nights and endless torture.

But all that changed. Steve had decided to stay one night and she had somehow convinced him to sleep on the bed with her. He had been hilariously awkward at first but eventually gave in. And when that night she had awoken, screaming in anguish, he had lulled her back to sleep, promised her safety and comfort and she had childishly believed him. Little did she know that those promises made in the middle of the night would provide her comfort even in the bleakest of hours.

After that, she refused to sleep without him. Every night she would still have nightmares but every night he was there, proving to be an excellent coping mechanism. So the morning after, she'd always wake up before him, finding him asleep like a toddler. He had a habit of snuggling into her neck. It always made her grin like an idiot. In those early hours, she tasted a little bit of heaven.

* * *

A/N:

These are turning into drabbles instead of one-shots. Oh, well! Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter because I absolutely loved writing it. Until next time :)


	11. Chapter 10

A/N:

Hello readers. Its always a pleasure to get to all of you. This chapter was quite difficult to write. I didn't know what I wanted, so I apolgise if this isn't a great chapter. But here it is anyway.

My beta, timeywimeyslytherin, deserves a damn cookie for all their hardwork.

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Disclaimer: Only the storyline belongs to me.

* * *

I for Incorrigible:

* * *

 _"I'm so tired of misconceiving what else we could've been" ~Mumford And The Sons, Believe._

Steve cracked his eyes open, adjusting them to the dim light. He'd been awoken by the rustling of clothes. Natasha was slipping on her jeans, trying to stay as quiet as possible. "You're leaving," it wasn't a question, he knew she wouldn't stay.

"Yeah. Didn't mean to wake you," she said, not even looking at him, maybe afraid of seeing the hurt on his face or maybe guilty, he could never tell. And he was hurt, a lot, despite it being the millionth that this was happening.

So very often, she'd come to him, demanding nothing more than his body and he would always oblige. They'd ravish each other and she would scream his name and he would whisper hers, almost like a prayer. Together they'd come undone and then she'd leave, just like that. She called it sex, he called it making love, a mere difference in perspective.

Every morning, they would act as nothing had happened, going about their usual routines. It was like a one night stand, over and over again, except one of them was falling deeper in love, deep enough to hurt.

So as she pulled on her coat, ready to leave, he stopped her. He couldn't do this. "What's the point?" he asked when she raised an eyebrow.

"The point of what Rogers? Sex? Well let me educate you," sarcasm evident in her voice.

"Oh so now I'm Rogers? Not Steve or baby? Are those reserved only for the times when you use me?" He wasn't too sure about why was he saying this, he just was.

"Using you? That's bullshit and you know that too. We're both adults, you should've said no if you had a problem. Also, I wait till you fall asleep okay. So it's not like I just use you and vanish." Her voice was getting angrier, her stance downright defensive.

"Wow, I feel terribly privileged that you allow me joy of falling asleep next to you and waking up to an empty bed." Steve, too, had started raising his voice.

"What do you want huh? What do you want me to say? To say I'm sorry? I'm not."

"No I don't need a damn apology. What I need is something more than just a purely physical relationship. Is that too much to ask?"

"Don't say that. You know that's something we can never be." She was yelling now, her hands were fists on his chest.

"Why what is so difficult with asking each other about our days? Why can't I be the one you lean on when the monsters find you?" He had removed her hands from his chest and had pinned her against a wall. God, she was so sexy when she was mad.

"Damn you Steve! Why can't we keep this up? It was going well. Don't ruin it!"

"I am going to ruin it because I love you and I'm so close to kissing you, you have no idea."

"You are incorrigible. What cou-" She was cut off mid-sentence as Steve's lips came crashing down on hers. Her hands find their way to his hair while Steve pulls her closer, hands on her waist. A round two was due.

* * *

A/N:

Like I stated previously, not too happy with this chapter. Hope you liked it anyway. Oh also, I've been wanting to write some angry smut for this couple, I mean its just an idea. The thing is, my beta and I aren't very well educated, experienced or well read in this department. So in case any of you lovelies would like to help, please PM me.

One more thing. I won't be doing A/Ns anymore, simply due to the lack of time unless I have to tell all of you something, etc. There won't be any disclaimers either, cause lets be honest, everyone knows I don't own anything that is MCU related. And yeah, that's all. So please R&R and I'll see you in the next chapter. :)

~TSF


	12. Chapter 11

J for Jeopardise:

* * *

Steve kicked the guy on his right as he threw his shield like a Frisbee. It knocked out four guys. He was in an underground base of H.Y.D.R.A., trying to retrieve some information and kicking some ass while he was at it, an usual day in the life of Captain America. Three men threw themselves at him and he took all of them down with remarkable ease. He was continuously kicking, punching and throwing his shield as per requirement. Suddenly Natasha's voice came through his ear-piece.

"Hey Cap? So I was speaking to Sarah from IT and she says she'd kill to go on a date with you. Why don't you take her out on Friday? I know this great Chinese place and they have some brilliant lighting, totally sets the mood. Want me to get you a table?" she asked in her usual manner of teasing.

"Romanoff, I thought we talked about this. Nobody would enjoy my company for an entire evening," he replied, providing the same lame excuse he would give all the time. Really, he wasn't interested in going on a date with anyone unless it was Natasha but that was something he could never admit. He was done clearing the upper floor, so he climbed down the stairs to find the file he was looking for.

"Well, if you upgraded your jokes a little and made them more 2010s than 1940s then I'm sure you'll make it through one evening. No?" He heard a man scream in pain on the other side and figured she was doing well.

"I thought you said my charm lay in my olden and gentlemanly ways." She had once complimented how much of a gentleman he was and since then Steve had never let it go.

"Yeah but your jokes are atrocious. Trust me, you'll do well without it." He couldn't help but get a little angry. It was frustrating when the woman you're after keeps pairing you with other women. The anger was taken out on the H.Y.D.R.A. soldier who had attacked him and he felt guilty, only a little.

"Just let it be. Plus I don't think I'm free on Friday. I have to watch the entire Fast And The Furious series and that's 7 movies." Now he was rummaging through a box filled with manila files. Suddenly a soldier pounced on him from behind and Steve had no choice but to throw him down with his weight in an almost body slam.

"Oh! How about Cecelia then? She's a movie buff, I'm sure she wouldn't mind joining you on the movie marathon." Steve sighed loudly.

"You aren't going to let this go, are you?" She seemed to laugh at that and he couldn't help but smile. He loved her laugh. It was low and raspy and rare and never failed to catch him off guard. But the moment was gone as soon as he heard loud stomping, there seemed to be 10-15 men and they were headed in his direction. He quickly slid into a narrow opening he saw on the right side of the room in order to conceal himself. He saw Natasha descending the flight of stairs he had taken couple of minutes back and as soon as she reached the floor she heard the men coming towards her. She looked around to find a place to hide but before she could do anything, Steve pulled her into the opening he was hiding in.

He hadn't realized just how narrow the space was till he had pulled her in. They stood chest-to-chest and there was no space to move. He looked down and noticed that her bright red hair were a mess, probably from all the fighting she had done. Her dull green eyes looked up at him and she murmured a thank you. He nodded in response as his jaw tightened from the close proximity. She was panting and her chest rose and fell with every breath she took and he could feel it all. The situation was dicey and he wanted to get out as soon as possible. He looked towards the room and saw the men walking away from them. After they had left, he quickly tried to move out but Natasha didn't seem to want that. She raised a leg and blocked the exit. He turned to her and gave her a questioning look.

"Honestly, when are you going to get back in the dating game," she asked with a smile. He was getting incredibly uncomfortable and turned on and she seemed to realize that, probably because they were close enough to feel every crevice on each other's bodies.

"I told you, I don't want to get back in it until I find the right person." His voice was so strained, it sounded almost painful.

"And have you found the right person?" Now she was grinning, finding this unbelievably funny. Steve chose to keep his mouth shut. He had never been a good liar and with this kind of closeness, he didn't wish to gamble. "You have found her, haven't you? You should really ask her out cause I can assure you she's waiting."

"Can I go now?" He could've easily pushed away her leg and moved out but he didn't.

"Only after you ask me out," she said with a victorious smile. Of course, she knew. Why did he even bother? He blushed and looked away. "Come on Steve, we have a job to do."

"Go out with me for dinner on Friday?" he asked utterly embarrassed. God, he was so out of his game, but then again, did he have any?

"I'll make the reservations. 7:30. Don't be late." She gave him a soft peck on his cheek and his stomach did five somersaults. She quickly smiled and slid out of the tiny space. He grabbed her wrist before she could leave and kissed her, probably clumsily and sloppily, but he did it anyway.

"Don't jeopardise my heart like that," he said after letting her go. Next he heard hoots from ear piece. They had completely forgot that the other agents could hear them crisp and clear. She smiled and he did the same.

"Let's finish the job. I have a busy weekend coming up," Natasha informed.


	13. Chapter 12

_"_ _He loves my imperfections so I tell him that I love him" ~Transviolet, Girls Your Age_

K For Kids:

He's definite that he's scared her. Why else would she leave like that? So he sat at her doorstep and recalled the events of the previous day.

 _*Flashback*_

 _They were lying in the bed, completely clothed. Today they had skipped the hanky-panky and instead watched a movie. Apparently Natasha was a sucker for foreign films. Thus, here they were watching 'The Seperation', an Iranian film. It was grasping, no doubt, but he also gave equal amount of attention to her hair. He loved her wine red hair and their natural curls. She often chose to straighten them and she looked beautiful but her curls were his favourite. Wild and eye-catching, just like her. So as she stuffed popcorn in her mouth and immersed herself in the movie, he ran his fingers through her corkscrew curls._

 _"I want our daughter to have your hair," spilled out of his mouth before he could stop himself. She stopped chewing on the popcorn and went rigid. "Uh, I mean," he trailed off._

 _"You want kids?" she asked, her voice strained. Of course he wanted kids, he wanted to build a family with her, it was the dream._

 _"Someday, yeah." He chooses his words carefully. He doesn't intend to scare her. She doesn't respond for a while. He's definite he's messed up._

 _"With me?" she asks so softly he almost misses it._

 _"Yeah." It's like he's walking across a tightrope. A little too clingy, he may scare her off, and a little too casual, she may think it's all a joke to him. To his surprise she doesn't say anything further. They finish the movie, fall asleep next to each other and he wakes up to an empty bed._

 _*End of flashback*_

He had spent the entire morning looking for her and of course, it had been fruitless. He had eventually given up and reached her apartment. He waited till he dosed off.

* * *

Natasha climbed the stairs of the building and found the Captain sleeping at her door. The sight caused a stir in her stomach. How long had he been waiting here? She crouched down and lay a hand on his head. His reflexes kicked in and in a moment she was pressed up against the wall with his hand around her neck, capable of snapping it within seconds, but she didn't fight. When he realised who it was, his eyes widened and he retracted his hand immediately. She fell to the floor and coughed.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" he asked, his eyebrows strewn together.

"I'm okay." She looked at him as he looked at the ground. He looked tired, she was tired. "Come in," she said as she pulled out her keys and opened her apartment. Wordlessly, he followed her. Once inside, she asked "What were you doing outside my door?"

"I was waiting for you," he responded while looking out the window.

"Why?"

"Uh, I thought that our last conversation was, you know, I think we should, uh-"

"Steve," she cut him off. He looked at her and immediately looked away. She moved closer to him, their bodies nearly touching. Softly, she turned his face and forced him to look at her. "Why are you so ashamed when I'm the one who ran away?"

"I don't want to lose you," he confessed earnestly. She smiled, this man was too much for her heart, too good to be true.

"You need to know something about me first." They both settled down on her leather couch, her back on his chest, his arms around her waist and their legs entangled. She wanted to feel close to him but she was also afraid of what his reaction would be so she looked away from him. "At The Red Room, when we leave, we get a farewell gift. They make you the perfect spy, by making you incapable of having children."

Theres silence in the room. She doesn't know what to expect. She doesn't want pity, she's aware of that but does she want acceptance? Does she want reassurance, support? The only thing she knows is that she wants his love. As she starts to get lost in her thoughts and begins to expect the worst, his arms around her tighten. He's holding on to her for dear life and his face is buried in her neck. "God, I'm so sorry. I love you, you are so brave and strong. I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice shaky. Was he crying? Why? Emotions get the best of her and tears start pouring down her face.

"Steve, what am I gonna do?" She's definite he won't want her anymore. He wants a family and she can't give that to him.

"What do you mean what are you gonna do?" he asks, she remains silent. He gets up from behind her and she tries not to sob harder. Moments later, he's in front of her, wiping her tears, cradling her head. "Natasha, I still want a family with you. I'm so very sorry that you can't bear children but that makes very little difference to me. I love you, the entirety of you. We can always adopt, there are thousands of children who need loving homes. We'll be fine, I promise."

She is unable to say anything, so she tries to calm down, compose and compartmentalise. "Don't you want kids of your own? Don't you want a woman who's capable of bearing your children?" she manages to choke out.

"No, I want you," he reaffirms. Somehow, that one sentence rids her of all her fears and doubts. And she wants to believe him, so she makes an effort to do the same.


	14. Chapter 13

_"You are my sweetest downfall" ~Samson, Regina Spektor._

L for Love:

Home is where she is.  
 _His arms feel the safest._

She has the softest cheeks.  
 _As his fingers touch my cheek, the hairs at the back of my neck stand up._

If she wishes, she can make me golden or make me beg on my knees.  
 _His sky blue eyes can look into my soul._

She tilts her neck when she kisses me, torturing me and saving me at the same time.  
 _When he kisses me, my knees weaken._

Her fingers fit perfectly between mine.  
 _His hands engulf mine._

Nothing feels as good as her body against mine.  
 _I can't help but giggle every time he picks me up._

I can't keep my eyes off her.  
 _Whenever I turn around to look at him, I always find him looking at me._

Her soft touches leave me gasping for breath.  
 _I can't help but touch him every chance I get._

She grins at me from across a room just to make my heart skip a beat.  
 _In a room full of people, I can only search for his face._

I forget how to breathe when she moans my name.  
 _The way he says my name makes my heart beat faster._

God, she is beautiful.  
 _He makes me feel beautiful._

Is this love?  
 _Is this love?_


	15. Chapter 14

M for Misery

* * *

Why did she always do this? Why was she so incapable? Why was she so damaged? Why was she so horrible? Why was she so appalling? Why was she just such a disgusting human? Why did she hurt people like this? Why was she doing this to everyone around her?

She and Steve could have been magic. He was kind, loving, caring, affectionate, everything she didn't deserve and yet he chose her. For what god damned reason, she'd never understand. Why he chose her over everybody he could have was beyond her. And she was so very thankful, undoubtedly grateful that he chose her. But just because he chose her didn't mean he was right for doing so.

And so she broke it, whatever it was between them. Told him she didn't feel the same when nothing could be further from the truth. But she did anyway. And she saw him fall apart in front of her. He asked, begged her to stay but she didn't. She couldn't. Then, he stopped. Stopped talking to her, stopped looking at her. It broke her. Tore her apart in two. But she asked for this, didn't she? For this misery? So who was she to complain.

* * *

A/N:

Hiya. Sorry this is so depressing. Recently went through a breakup and I find similarities between my relationship and Steve and Nat's. So while not everything in this is true, a lot of it is taken from real life. Thus I hope you excuse the quality of writing in this as I was a little emotional.

Thank you for reading. :D


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